Terrible Washington City Bans Cheese in Protest of Green Bay Packers

By Noah Kaufman |
FWX WASHINGTON BANS CHEESE

Photo Composite: © Antonis Achilleos; © Mathew Hayward / Alamy

I feel bad for the people of Bainbridge Island, Washington, today. I really do. The city manager of the island town just across the Puget Sound from Seattle issued an executive order banning cheese in City Hall. Ahead of Sunday’s National Football Conference championship game against the Green Bay Packers, city manager Douglas Schulze sent an official decree that reads, in part,

Section 2. On Sunday, January 18, 2015, the Seattle Seahawks opponent in the NFC Championship game will be the Green Bay Packers, a.k.a. Cheeseheads. Fans of the Green Bay Packers are frequently seen wearing obnoxious wedge-shaped foam hats painted yellow.

Section 3. Due to the relationship between the Green Bay Packers, their fans, and cheese, the possession of and/or consumption of cheese or cheese flavored products shall be banned in Bainbridge Island City Hall on Friday, January 16, 2015.

Section 4. The Director of each Department shall take such actions as may be necessary to implement this order.

It is, of course, just part of the silly season of professional sports that happens when we get down to the championship games, with various mayors using their cities’ favorite foods as betting props (“I’ll bet you a vat of our clam chowder against a metric ton of your apples” or something similar). But outlawing cheese and cheese-flavored products is a bridge too far, Bainbridge!

Full disclosure: I am both a Wisconsinite and a Packers fan, and I would like Mr. Schulze to know that tomorrow I’ll be boycotting an overwhelming feeling of despair brought on by 362 days of a rain a year or whatever his main export is. I'd also note that his Seahawks stand accused of watering down their beer. A crime that I'm pretty sure is punishable by death in the state of Wisconsin

Related: For Shame: Seattle Stadium Accused of Selling Watered-Down Beer
America Fires Its First Shot in the Great Cheese War
3 Secrets to Perfect Mac and Cheese

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