Government Steps in to Help You Make a S’more

By Noah Kaufman |

Credit: iStockphoto

At least one agency of government is ready to act without delay, regarding a very important topic: making s’mores. The United States Forest Service—the folks usually responsible for protecting us from forest fires and generally maintaining the American woods—put together a primer on making the classic camping food safe and healthy.

In a post titled How Does Your Marshmallow Roast?, the organization offers tips on roasting-stick length (at least 30 inches long to ensure that no one gets too close to the fire) and healthy swaps like replacing chocolate with pineapple. They’re cute ideas, if a bit unorthodox, but since the post came from Washington DC, the tips are not without controversy.

In a memo detailing his September agenda, the new House majority leader, Republican Kevin McCarthy said, “[The s’mores post] perfectly captures what is wrong with our government. Hard-earned tax dollars supporting bureaucrats who can’t pass up an opportunity to tell us how to live our lives.” 

We might humbly suggest that there are a few other things that perfectly capture what is wrong with our government (like the fact that the second most powerful person in the House of Representatives felt the need to do a takedown of alternative s’mores recipes). But isn’t that what makes this country great? Everyone is entitled to voice his or her opinion. It doesn’t matter if that opinion is that we should remove chocolate from s’mores or that the removal of said chocolate is the first step toward an Orwellian future in which no one is free to snack as they choose.

Related: 6 Awesome Foods You Didn't Know You Could Cook on a Camping Trip 
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