We’ve seen some pretty outlandish headlines during this presidential election. So by those standards, “Rumors swirl that Pamela Anderson poisoned Julian Assange with vegan meal from Pret,” seems par for the course. Granted, the headline from the Daily Mail isn’t inaccurate – they were just rumors – but still, political intrigue isn’t what it used to be.
The whole mess started Saturday, when former Baywatch star Pamela Anderson met with WikiLeak’s Julian Assange, bringing him a vegan meal as a snack: A story somehow deemed newsworthy in itself. I’m guessing it’s not particularly fun to be in your fifth year of hiding out in the Ecuadorean Embassy in London as Assange currently is, camped out to avoid facing charges in Sweden, but I didn’t realize things were so bad it was a big story every time someone brought him a sandwich.
The meeting supposedly went well, but not long after, the official WikiLeaks Twitter account began sending out some very bizarre messages:
Not understanding the nature of these strange tweets, the rumor mill began to swirl that the two events were linked. Some speculated wildly that the tweets were part of a “dead man’s switch” triggered upon Assange’s death. And if he did die, who was the most suspicious person he saw in the past week: Pamela Anderson, of course.
Fueling the speculation was that most of the recent WikiLeak releases have come at the Democratic party’s expense, including continued leaks of emails taken from the Clinton camp. Anderson has spoken about her dislike of Trump in the past, meaning maybe she’d be willing to keep him out of the Oval Office by doing some of Hillary’s dirty work. And if you’re looking to get access to a 45-year-old man, a ‘90s heartthrob Anderson is some of the best bait out there.
But the story has one big hole: Julian Assange hates vegan food. “He said I tortured him with bringing him vegan food,” Anderson joked after the meeting. If you’re going to poison someone, give them a food they like. Assange’s distaste for vegan food is the most glaring flaw in the whole conspiracy. Outside of, you know, the WHOLE THING BEING RIDICULOUS.
As for those bizarre WikiLeak “pre-commitment” tweets, it’s not 100 percent clear what they meant. Although a severing of Assange’s Internet connection seems the most likely. But who knows, maybe they were simply coded messages asking for a better lunch.