© Starbucks Coffee Company
Mike Pomranz
June 22, 2017

New Year’s Eve is one of those holidays some people like to get dressed up for. Sure, others will just grab a sweater off the floor and drink Jaeger bombs until they pass out under a pool table, but Starbucks, at least, is suggesting that when ringing in 2017, we should keep things classy by introducing a trio of new, limited-time “Tuxedo” beverages.

Yesterday, the coffee giant announced that from now until January 1, Starbucks customers can welcome in 2017 “in style” thanks to the Starbucks Tuxedo Beverage Collection – “a trio of handcrafted beverages featuring silky swirls of dark and white chocolatey topping” that come in mocha, hot chocolate and Frappuccino varieties. The formalwear the drinks are named after can most distinctly be seen in the beverages’ whipped cream topping, half of which is covered with a mocha drizzle “for a black and white tuxedo effect.”

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Just how stylish you’ll feel sucking down a drink slathered in whipped cream and chocolate is up for debate, but these Tuxedo beverages definitely sound like they’ll help you ease out of a rough 2016 by putting you into a sugar coma. The ‘Bux describes the Tuxedo Mocha thusly: “Hot espresso is poured over mocha sauce and white chocolate mocha sauce, which is then melted into a wonderfully rich concoction. Steamed milk is added to the mix to balance the richness into a silky swirl of dark and white chocolatey goodness.” The tuxedo topping is then added before being “finished with a sprinkle of dark chocolate curls. Customers can enjoy it hot or iced.” It’s like someone took all the leftover candy from your Christmas stocking, melted it, and put it into a cup with your name spelled wrong on the side.

The Tuxedo Hot Chocolate sounds identical to the Mocha version but without the espresso. Meanwhile, the Tuxedo Mocha Frappuccino appears to swap out espresso for Frappuccino roast coffee. Still, all three drinks have one thing distinctly in common: They all bring you one step closer to deciding your New Year’s resolution needs to be “hit the gym.”

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