No One is Coming to Work Hungover

By Mike Pomranz |

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Be honest. How many of you are reading this right now because you are too hungover at work to do anything else? According to a recent survey, the answer is surprisingly few.

FiveThirtyEight surveyed 571 people who said they had full-time jobs to find out how often they were hungover at work on a monthly basis. Shockingly, 74 percent said they never go into work hungover. Never! I wonder how many of those people would answer “yes” in the survey “Are you a lying dog?”

Another 19.8 percent said they are hungover less than one day each month, leaving a paltry 6.4 percent of people who say they’ve come into work after a long night. That seems low, but it’s possible most people just call in sick if they had too many. (Quick shout out to the 0.6 percent of people who say they come into work hungover at least eight times a month. Your post-drinking work ethic is admirable.

Projecting from there, the story’s author tried to determine exactly what percentage of the entire workforce is hungover on a given day. His estimate was 1.6 percent. That doesn’t seem like much, but considering the size of the workforce, that’s more than 2 million people with splitting headaches every day. That calls for a breakfast sandwich and some Advil.

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The Brunchification of Fried Rice