The Definitive Ranking of Twin Peaks Coffee

By Noah Kaufman |

© United Archives GmbH / Alamy

It’s official, agent Dale Cooper will return to the town of Twin Peaks when Showtime resurrects the series in 2016. The network recently revealed that Kyle MacLachlan will reprise his role as the one of the best agents ever to work at the FBI.

A coffee connoisseur long before it was cool, Coop sampled the offerings from all over Twin Peaks. As best we’re able to tell, this is how he would rank his coffee drinking experiences there, in reverse order.

8. Pete's house 

There was a fish in the percolator, so it may not be entirely Pete’s fault. Still, we wouldn’t trust anything that comes out of his kitchen.

7. The Black Lodge

Your soul will most likely never escape and the coffee seems to be actual motor oil, but it’s still better than that fish-flavored crap at Pete’s.

6. The Bookhouse

Harry said the coffee’s free. Apparently that’s best thing anyone could say about it. Not exactly a ringing endorsement.

5. The Palmers’ House

Considering it was made by someone who is mentally unstable or by an actual demon, the coffee from the Palmer’s house holds up quite well.

4. The Police Station

It keeps Coop working plenty of late nights. It does the job, but that’s about all.

3. The Woods

Lucy's coffee seems to get better when it’s on the go. In the station it’s fine, but when she brews a pot and takes it on the road it becomes elevated to the “damn good” level. Perhaps the travel time helps the extraction process.

2. Double R Diner

Easily the most popular cup of coffee in town. Clearly reliable, but it can’t quite stand up on its own. It almost always needs a piece of pie to go with it. The pie though, is worthy of an epic poem.

1. The Great Northern

We don’t know where they source their beans or what their brewing method is, but it is the only cup of joe to earn the honorifics of both “incredible” and “damn fine.” And from Agent Dale Cooper, that's saying something.

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