It’s the golden age of movies. Oh wait, no, that’s TV. Television has apparently become the new “serious” medium, where we learn hard lessons in which high school chemistry teachers become meth dealers, mythical kingdoms engage in nonstop torture/incest/wedding-crashing, and ridiculously attractive singles still struggle to find love despite being ridiculously attractive. And having huge apartments.
Good for TV, but movies are still happening, mostly because Vin Diesel is an unstoppable force, and nobody’s figured out that Brad Pitt has had little to offer since Twelve Monkeys. (OK,Moneyball was pretty solid.) And then there’s the fifteenth installment of Paranormal Activity, where the demon eats peanut butter with his demon finger, unapologetically. And, yes, leaves many cabinet doors open. What a jerk.
But before you book your ticket for the remake of whatever decent film they’re going to corrupt into Taylor Swift’s acting debut, here’s a way to guarantee your movie-going experience is still pretty rewarding: smuggle in some booze. Sure, sometimes, as in a Charlie Kaufman movie, movies are worth watching entirely sober—otherwise you may miss out on the mind trip that is a Charlie Kaufman movie. But if you’re just looking to make the second mandatory viewing of Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip a bit less adorably terrifying, you must go the way of smuggling. (And we don’t mean cheaper candy. Though, damn, do that too. Nobody should be paying $4.95 for Sour Patch Kids.)