Doughnut Raccoon Is Simultaneously Cuter and More Disgusting Than Pizza Rat

By Mike Pomranz |

Earlier this year, Pizza Rat took the world by storm with his YouTube virility. For a while it seemed clear that he would land 2015’s crown as “most notable animal caught trying to steal food.” But hold your horses… Or should I say “hold your raccoons.” (I shouldn’t.) With just a couple days left to go in the year, a challenger has emerged: Doughnut Raccoon!

Presented with little context, yesterday, a YouTuber uploaded a video showing a stealthy raccoon pulling a Mission Impossible-style cat burglar heist of a doughnut… Or should I say “raccoon burglar heist”? (I shouldn’t.)

Here’s the thing: A raccoon stealing a doughnut out of a donut shop is clearly cuter than some filthy rat dragging a dirty slice of pizza down a set of subway stairs. That said, the subway is a rat’s domain, and a slice of pizza is fair game. Though your initial reaction to seeing a raccoon swipe a doughnut is to laugh, let’s ask a bigger question: How the hell does a full-grown raccoon have free reign over an active doughnut shop? Seriously, no one was planning to grab that slice of pizza off the ground; meanwhile, this doughnut shop now has potentially disease-riddled paw prints all over their fritters.

For my money, Doughnut Raccoon is clearly a better video. However, it’s also the only one of the two that some local health department definitely needs to see ASAP.

Related: The Deep-Fried Rat from KFC Is Almost Certainly Not a Deep-Fried Rat 
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