A Wine Critic Apologizes

© Cat Miles
By Ray Isle Posted June 26, 2015

Following the lead of the most important critic in wine, Robert Parker, who just publicly apologized for his attitude towards Burgundy, F&W Executive Wine Editor Ray Isle does some apologizing too.

“Sure there are always regrets, and I think the biggest mistake was when I was younger and doing Burgundy that I was too belligerent and aggressive with the Burgundians; I stepped on too many toes.” —Robert Parker, quoted in The Drinks Business, 6/25/15

Following the lead of the most important critic in wine, I figured that I should do some apologizing too.

I need to apologize to Pinotage. I am sorry that I have said that wines made from Pinotage smell and taste like old horse blankets. I’ve heard that thousands of South Africans love Pinotage, but as I haven’t been there yet, I’m still skeptical. Nevertheless, my bad. Grapes have feelings, too.

Also, I probably ought to apologize to the natural wine movement. When I said, “Natural wine tastes like frickin’ swamp water,” what I really meant was, “Natural wine brilliantly expresses terroir in an unadulterated, non-industrial way.” Whoops!

I definitely need to apologize to that guy at that industry tasting back in 2003, the one with the really shiny brown shoes. I didn’t mean to spit into the spit bucket in such a way that Chianti (and spit) splashed on your shoe. I also didn’t mean to think, “Oh, what the hell, he’ll never notice.” And if you did notice, hey—I also apologize for having left that table really quickly.

Furthermore, I would like to issue a formal apology to the entire reading public for describing a wine as follows: “Dense and very ripe, it’s somewhere between a black compote and a black hole. If Paul Bunyan had been Spanish, he would have drunk this wine from hogsheads.” I have no excuse. Bring out the cone of shame and make me wear it. I deserve nothing less. Thank god it was ten years ago.

Lastly, I absolutely, positively must apologize to Christian Moueix for taking a picture of myself drinking Château Pètrus while wearing a three-foot-tall, multicolored balloon hat. Pètrus was not founded so that people wearing balloon hats could drink it. I recognize this. And I am deeply mortified. It should have been a bottle of Domaine Romanée-Conti Montrachet.

I pray for your forgiveness.

Related: What Wine Goes Best With Burgers?
Drinking Wine With Drew Barrymore, Part One
Drinking Wine With Drew Barrymore, Part Two

The Dish
Receive delicious recipes and smart wine advice 4x per week in this e-newsletter.
The Wine List Weekly pairing plus best bottles to buy.
F&W Daily One sensational dish served fresh every day.

Sponsored Stories
powered by ZergNet