Even those of us who are not shaky-handed drunks often find ourselves fumbling in the morning. I speak of breakfast, a meal nearly always made badly, and always in the same way. I’m 46 years old and it is only in the past few years that it has ceased to be a disaster, a catastrophic start to what was sure to be a demoralizing day. But thanks to a few dope moves I’ve picked up, now each day begins with a shimmer of absolute confidence. These moves are as follows, preceded by the problem that begat them.
Uneven, splattery bacon. Like everyone else in the world, bacon is my favorite food. But cooking it has almost always been problematic. The pan is round, but the slices are long, so they don’t all fit. The part in the middle gets cooked while the ends are half raw. And the fat splatters in every direction, leaving the stove a greasy mess and the cook lucky to escape with first-degree burns.
The Hack: Cook the bacon in the oven. The slices lay out easily in a roasting pan, they all cook at the same time, at the same rate, and what splattering goes on is out of sight and contained.
Dry scrambled eggs. Eggs are among the trickiest of all foods to cook, because they come together all at once, and irreversibly. Runny, slimy eggs are easy enough to fix; all they need is a little more heat. But what happens once they begin to dry up? Then they become tasteless, pasty lumps, the kind you eat in airport buffets.
The Hack: A teaspoon of softened salted butter bathes and softens even ruined eggs, tricking your mouth into thinking they are good. (Note: The same trick works for steak as well, as all steak houses are aware.)