Mayor Bill de Blasio should consider Forkgate a warning and watch how he eats in the future. When eaten with a knife and fork, the following ten foods wouldn’t just ruffle feathers, they'd make someone look insane.
When newly-elected New York City mayor Bill de Blasio shoveled out his own driveway during the year’s first snow storm, voters patted themselves on the back for electing a man of the people. But last Friday he threatened that reputation when he dared to eat a slice of Staten Island pizza with a knife and fork. Experts, both political and culinary, have weighed in on Forkgate and are divided. Jon Stewart shamed de Blasio on The Daily Show for eating pizza “à la Trump,” while Maureen Dowd defended the mayor (and also admitted to her own strange predilection for pizza topped with mashed potatoes). Smartly predicting that the incident would become a part of pizza history, Marc Cosentino, the owner of Goodfella’s Pizzeria where de Blasio committed his pizza sin, bagged the fork used by the mayor. He is now putting the fork up for auction with the proceeds going to charity—details TBD.
As polarizing as de Blasio’s pizza eating strategy was, we can understand why he did it—sometimes you don’t want to risk mussing up your tie with tomato sauce. But the Mayor should consider Forkgate a warning and watch how he eats in the future. When eaten with a knife and fork, the following ten foods wouldn’t just ruffle feathers, they'd make someone look insane.
Candy bars: There was an entire episode of Seinfeld dedicated to how weird it would be to eat a candy bar with a knife and fork. Nothing has changed since that episode first aired in 1994. It would still be weird.
Tacos: You’re just asking for a lapful of carne asada.
Popsicles: If you manage to pin down the slippery treat, the sound of a knife cutting into it would be the dining equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.
Soup: Five hours later and you would still be sucking on silver with a full bowl of cold soup.
Gummy bears: Unless you want to scar a child forever, we suggest not reenacting the French Revolution with cuddly candies playing the part of the aristocracy.
S’mores: If you’re eating s’mores with a knife and fork, it’s safe to say that not only have you never been camping, you may not have ever been allowed outside.
Pudding: This goes double for tapioca pudding. The frog eye-like spheres are disturbing enough; they don’t need to be dissected.
Grapes: Especially if you peel them first.
Popcorn: A surefire way to ensure that you won’t get a second date is to spear your date’s hand with a fork when they reach over for a handful of popcorn.
Nuts: The almonds skittering across the table as you try to stab them won’t be the only things that are nuts in that situation.
Potato Chips: The crumbs, oh heavens, the crumbs.