Deep Dessert Thoughts by Gene Simmons

Tell Gene Simmons of KISS that he has one of the most famous tongues in the world, and he’ll correct you. “It’s the most famous tongue in the world. Who else? Well, who else?” he says. The rocker must have an especially wide swath reserved for sensing sweetness, because Simmons admittedly obsesses over sugar.
Gene Simmons
© ZUMA Wire Service / Alamy
© ZUMA Wire Service / Alamy

Here, Gene Simmons ponders the wonders of dessert for Food & Wine:

“I tolerate food. I love desserts. I’ve never met anybody who’s ever had a dream about a celery.”

“I have had repeated dreams of being stuck in a chair with my hands tied behind my back in a cake house, and of course the only way out is to eat.”

“I love desserts so much I don’t even have to take them orally. I’m happy to take them right into my small intestines.”

“My favorite dessert is the next one. I’m a dessert junkie. I still love Ding Dongs, Ring Dings, Devil Dogs, all those Hostess things. I almost started to cry when I heard that one of the companies was going out of business and then it was saved at the last minute.”

“Some people can drink water when they eat cake. I don’t get it. When you eat cake, you drink coffee. God gave you two hands. One is for stuffing your mouth like a Christmas goose full of pastry, and the other is for molten hot coffee.”

“Desserts always find me. My dessert fascination precedes me, so local hotels send up treats. I mean, I walk into my room and there are chocolate-covered strawberries and all kinds of stuff always waiting. I guess they’re trying to get me down to the restaurant so they can inform the media. Food used to just be about food. But it’s become art, hasn’t it? And media and pop culture.”

“Jelly rolls are my guilty pleasure of all time. A jelly roll is chewy on the outside, and as soon as you bite into it, you get the sugar on top and then you get to the jelly in the middle. I’m a simple guy. I like chocolates, jams and chewy pastries.”

“I could write an ode to sweetness—my love is like a beer isn’t as poetic. Your kisses are like a nice bitter ale. I don’t think so.”